…now I don’t proclaim to be a particularly worldly-wise person when it comes to living in all sorts of different places, but in my day I have lived in a few different towns/neighborhoods in central and western PA and I’ve gotta say: Out of all those places, Dormont is definitely the drunkest.
Now while some might say that if you live in freakin’ Dormont, you just might HAVE to be drunk to, like ,deal with actually living in Dormont, but I beg to differ. I’ve lived here for upwards of a year now without being intoxicated even just once in all that time, but geez, that hasn’t been for lack of Dormont trying. I lived in Morningside, Greenfield, and Squirrel Hill and none of them ever tried to get me wasted. But Dormont? They won’t stop!
Heck, the first night I moved here there was a Pub Crawl! And it turns out that the Dormont Pub Crawl is an annual occurrence inebriating hundreds, perhaps thousands, of peeps brave enough to hang out on West Liberty for an entire evening.
And then there’s the Dormont newsletter (yes, I’m such a HUGE DORK that I actually READ the Dormont newsletter), I would say that pretty much every single time right next to the recycling and garbage schedules is some ad or article touting some event where the people of Dormont are invited to come and get lit.
For instance, on September 18th, it’s the 4th Annual “A Taste of Dormont: An Evening of Reds,Whites, and Blues” (i.e. – wine tasting) and on October 9 there’s the “4th Annual Street Fair and Music Festival” (i.e. – a Joe Grushecky & the Houserockers show with an outdoor beer garden).
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like the ads explicitly state that there will be drunkenness, but this is Dormont we’re talking about: the drunkenness is implied. Yeah, I know that classy places like Mt. Lebanon and Shadyside have the occasional street party where the sophisticated types drink some fancy import beer or sip enough pinot grigio that their mild buzz causes them to recklessly admit that they don’t use their own canvas bags at Whole Foods or some other such hipsterish type no-no like saying that they secretly hate their MacBook. But that’s child’s play.
I would lay a bet that 1 out of 3 dudes whooping it up at a Dormont street party are more likely to have exposed themselves at a Steelers game than they are to have traveled outside the United States proper. That’s how Dormont rolls, yo. And I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.